Daddy. Mini GB #2 is putting pancakes in her eyes.
At a former office I worked in a few of the lads were discussing a computer game (I think it was something like Fable or the Witcher or some RPG) and at the very worst moment the office fell very quiet just as one of them said:
âAnyway I couldnât get her to do what I wanted so I just killed the prostituteâ
Overheard on a bus heading towards Peckham:-
" I see John got 6 years"
â6 years? Thatâs a bit harsh. Itâs not like he hurt the other fella that muchâŚâ
Overheard in the City a few years ago -
American tourist âCould you tell me where St Paulâs cathedral is?â
Policeman âItâs thereâ (points to Sir Christopher Wren masterpiece that they are standing right in front of )
American tourist âOh, I was expecting something a bit more impressiveâŚâ
âDaddy, can I have a bodyboardâ
Back to American tourists, this one in Stratford-upon-Avon, waiting at a pelican crossing, when it started beeping he asked what the noise was for
Local: âitâs so that blind people when the lights are redâ
Tourist: âmy god, you let blind people drive!!â
FTFY
That as well
i was showing the new MD and HR director (of madison) a staff training schedule I was rolling outâŚand whilst, then at least, I was a respectably married man, an email notification popped up on my screen behind which we were crowded, displaying the beginning of three lines of textâŚ
I know you havenât known me longâŚ
I was just hoping that you couldâŚ
am loving our sessions togetherâŚ
Itâs not often iâm lost for wordsâŚshe had recently joined the running club and wanted to be part of an upcoming team raceâŚ
Itâs twins
How much has this ( inset anything here ) cost you so far?
From a 35 year old manâŚ.
âGet out of the way, itâs coming outâ
A bit like the heavily rhetorical question "and howâs that working out for you?"
Some friends of mine - not soon after school - had been for a few (hic) drinks at a local pub. Deciding foolishly to drive home, they were pulled over by the police.
In an attempt to appear sober the driver composed himself, wound down the window and said, âevening ocifferâ
Both my boys being quite ill this weekend.
Put them in the bath.
Big one says âdaddy, I just did a pooâ
Itâs awful