Sentences you should never hear

Daddy. Mini GB #2 is putting pancakes in her eyes.

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At a former office I worked in a few of the lads were discussing a computer game (I think it was something like Fable or the Witcher or some RPG) and at the very worst moment the office fell very quiet just as one of them said:

“Anyway I couldn’t get her to do what I wanted so I just killed the prostitute”

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Overheard on a bus heading towards Peckham:-

" I see John got 6 years"
“6 years? That’s a bit harsh. It’s not like he hurt the other fella that much…”

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Overheard in the City a few years ago -

American tourist “Could you tell me where St Paul’s cathedral is?”
Policeman “It’s there” (points to Sir Christopher Wren masterpiece that they are standing right in front of :roll_eyes: )
American tourist “Oh, I was expecting something a bit more impressive…”

:rofl:

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‘Daddy, can I have a bodyboard’

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Back to American tourists, this one in Stratford-upon-Avon, waiting at a pelican crossing, when it started beeping he asked what the noise was for

Local: “it’s so that blind people when the lights are red”

Tourist: “my god, you let blind people drive!!”

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FTFY

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That as well

i was showing the new MD and HR director (of madison) a staff training schedule I was rolling out…and whilst, then at least, I was a respectably married man, an email notification popped up on my screen behind which we were crowded, displaying the beginning of three lines of text…

I know you haven’t known me long…
I was just hoping that you could…
am loving our sessions together…

It’s not often i’m lost for words…she had recently joined the running club and wanted to be part of an upcoming team race…

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It’s twins

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How much has this ( inset anything here ) cost you so far?

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From a 35 year old man….

“Get out of the way, it’s coming out”

:poop:

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A bit like the heavily rhetorical question "and how’s that working out for you?"

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Some friends of mine - not soon after school - had been for a few (hic) drinks at a local pub. Deciding foolishly to drive home, they were pulled over by the police.

In an attempt to appear sober the driver composed himself, wound down the window and said, ‘evening ociffer’ :laughing:

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Both my boys being quite ill this weekend.

Put them in the bath.

Big one says “daddy, I just did a poo”

:sob::sob:

It’s awful

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