Having had a Google, they all seem massively complex!!!
Any ideas?
Stuff you can get today from a larger supermarket…
E45 + cocoa/Shea butter + Vaseline?
Sudocrem is quite drying, so I’ll be staying clear if that!
Something which doesn’t require a pan would be good
Just get a big tub of Zinc & castor oil creme from the baby section of Boots for a couple of quid. No need to mess with making anything. I haven’t used anything else for years.
On a podcast pro cyclist Lizzy Banks recommended Dermol Barrier cream as a cheaper alternative to proper chamois cream. Not tried it myself though 
I had a big tub of E45 and last year used it as chamois cream when I did all the turbo riding in the garage. I could barely tell any difference in the that and the regular stuff.
It doesn’t smell lovely like the Rapha stuff but at least you can get the last bit of E45 out of the jar. 
What’s that???
Never heard of it?
I’ve heard of cow udder cream being used, so I suppose I could nip into Chelford Farming Supplies?
Bag balm’s great stuff, for sores, but it doesn’t really have a good consistency as an actual chamois cream. I think chamois cream needs are different enough that you just try them, exactly how slippery you want will likely depend on your arse, your shorts, your saddle, how much you sweat etc.
Just harden up so you don’t need it is my advice.
Visit discount store, buy petroleum jelly for a quid. Sorted.
Have I been missing out on something for the last 30 years ? Is it normal to use this stuff?
I find I never need it on a single long ride but it does help with multi day riding stuff and training camps etc. Not sure why.
My gouch must be like a strip of leather. I rarely use any of the stuff!
Cheers folks, got some zinc and castor oil for £2 from the baby section to see me through today’s ride 
My local pharmacy does a 500ml tub of aqueous cream for £1