warning long emo post
Thanks to all who commented after my post on Sunday.
Still feeling very down and deflated.
In my head it’s very hard to come out with a positive from this.
I’ve spent months training for something I thought might be possible and to fail so badly really hits.
What makes it worse it a bunch of guys I really only know virtually were so interested that they took to the time to follow my progress. Then for some to say that they, and I can’t work this bit out, are motivated/inspired by what you do, just hits in the feels even more.
I get that it should be the process that motivates you and not the outcome, but it would be nice to sometimes actually achieve a big goal I’ve set myself.
Was chatting to a colleague at work about whether there is some psychological barrier that stops me from performing when it “matters” and then this seems to manifest itself during the event.
Analysing the day itself, I’m still struggling to find a physical trigger as such for the meltdown.
Even from the first few miles it just felt hard. Harder than MP training runs.
The terrain wasn’t the best with short, sharp ups and downs as we went under the roads, and then some uneven paths later on, but nothing too severe.
HR was in the mid 140s which was on par with MP runs
Pace was a little dictated by the ups and downs but the first 10 were, other than mile 2 which had a long downhill section, between 6:37 and 6:50
11-12 had some drags and headwind which took me down to 7:08, but then halfway, into the wind just broke me
Fuelling wise, I’d eaten beforehand, drunk some sports drink and was 3 gels in before the meltdown. I’d done 18 miles in training, albeit at a lower intensity, on zero.
In 2019, 50 people had gone sub 3
In 2021, it was 74, so it wasn’t the conditions as such
I was running alone for a lot of the first half due to the nature of the start, but had my music to keep the cadence up at 176+
When I detonated it was worse than an IM.
At points I was struggling to walk and at the 23 mile aid station one of the lead marshals walked with me for a while as they were concerned.
Cannot fathom why though.
Moving forward, I’m now about 75% not going to Frankfurt.
The issues around travel, coupled with this mental failure are not inspiring me to bury myself for the next month.
The bigger issue is having to reconcile with the feeling of just not being good enough.
That one will take a while.
I use exercise and goals to keep the Black Dog in his kennel.
When stuff like this happens he pokes his head out and I struggle to get him back in
Again, thanks to all for your support.
I hope to repay the favour to those in their upcoming races.
