Quick answer.
Rear wheel flat.
Race report later
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sorry to hear that.
Thanks man.
Had all of the bad luck today
I always worry about stuff going wrong when there are expensive eggs in the Ironman basket. Iāve already had my first Ironman dream of the year; swim went well then T1 was an absolute cluster, packed wrong gear, cheapy sunglasses, crap shoes and couldnāt find the exit 
Itās a common one that.
I missed it, what happened?
Race Report
So hereās my (long) day at Ironman Frankfurt.
After the obligatory number of visits to the portaloo, I lined up in the sub hour swim pen. Not that I thought I could do 60 in a non wetsuit swim, but thought there might be some feet I could follow for a bit to drag me round.
Had my Huub swinskin on and there were lots of Sailfish suits as well.
After about 80 or so had gone, off I went into the water.
Straight away there was a bit of ābiffā
Doesnāt normally bother me if someone pushes my legs down, but today there was nothing to pop them back up.
Itās a 1500m loop, quick Aussie exit onto the beach and then back in for 2300m around the other side of the lake.
Was hoping for around 24:00, to give me about 1:36 pace.
Looked down to see 26:10. Bollocks.
Back in and off for way less biff as the field had spread out. In my head, I thought about 1:08-1:10, so just settled in.
Came out in 1:05, which was a pleasant surprise.
Up the sandy slope and swimskin down to my waist and into the T1 tent.
Iād stuck a 500ml coke bottle with a gel/water mix in my bag. Quick swig down and off to my bike.
Got to my bike to realise I still had the swimskin on. Spoke to a ref who said heād put it in my bag.
First part of the bike course is a fast flat 13km section into Frankfurt. Legs were feeling heavy, so tucked into my new aero position and just rode to feel.
At the turn onto lap 1, 18 mins, 25mph average. Knew that would go down, but a good start.
As my legs felt crap, I just thought I would take it easy and instead of aiming for a wattage, I would just use 70% as a cap.
Up the first couple of climbs, felt good and on the flats and downs, I felt slippery in the new position.
Up the cobbled hill was all fine and at 15 minute intervals I was using by between the bars bottle to get nutrition in
At the aid stations I was chugging water and pouring some over my back.
Plan was to empty the BTA bottle by lap one and refill it using the bottle on the saddle.
Miles were ticking off nicely and the usual mix of passing more people than passed me.
90km ticked by in 2:25, but that included the fast section, so reckoned a 5:05 might be possible, as the course is 185km.
End of the first lap and onto the second.
Somewhere around 100km I must have hit a massive bump as the bottle containing my tyre weld / pitstop, 2 CO2 canisters and a few bits was now gone.
Didnāt feel it go as I would gone back and got it.
No matter I thought.
Only ever had one big puncture in 18 years of racingā¦2015ā¦in Frankfurt
Second lap and the sun was now beating down and the temperature was rising, as was the wind.
Was still using the water at the aid stations to cool down, but I was starting to feel the heat.
At about 160km in, I started to think the rear tyre was feeling less than solid.
Quick stop to feel, and yes, it was going down
Managed to make it to a water only aid station and pulled over. Tried shouting at passing racers to see if anyone could help.
After 10 minutes or so, a volunteer came over, asked me what I needed and then 5 minutes later he was back with 2 CO2 canisters. Legend.
We got the tyre to pressure and off I went to much cheering from the spectators.
About a mile later the tyre went completely flat.
Decision time.
Walk back or walk on and howl the service vehicle gets to me.
About 3 moto refs stopped and asked if was ok. Explained I was moving forward and off they went.
About another 10 minutes later a guy stopped whose race he said was over, and gave me some tyre weld.
In it went and straight back out of the valve it came. Bollocks.
Off he went and I carried on walking.
Another 20 minutes or so and another guy stopped. Asked me what I needed and pulled out a brand new tubular tyre.
I was dumb struck.
Off he went as I fitted it and a spectator grabbed a pump (yes, outside assistance) and I was back on the road.
Oh, did I also mention that one of my gear levers decided to escape from my aerobar, meaning to change gear I had to grip it with one hand whilst moving the lever with the otherā¦at speed.
By now I was boiling but rolled into T2 in 6:06, about 50 or so minutes behind what I should have been.
Spirit and will to carry on broken I walked into the changing tent and mulled over whether to even bother starting the run.
Had the day gone well, I could have seen the benefit of trying to run 26.2 miles in 35-38 degree heat and pushing on to possible heat stroke. What was the point now?
As I sat there, I thought of the three people who had helped me get back on the road. Would have been fair to them to sack it off? Of course not, so cooling gear on and off I went.
Iād grabbed a drink bottle from my bike and I had the plan of filling it with ice to get cold drinks whilst on the run.
First aid station after about 500m and in went water and ice.
Stopped for a pee, so 11:something for mile 1.
Mile 2 felt comfy at 7:45 pace, but then I was on the other side of the river. No shade. No clouds. Just the sun trying to kill us all.
And thatās how the next 24 miles went.
Whatever I tried, I could not keep my core temperature down. I was soaking. Squeezing icy water in my face and on my head/body. Nothing.
Mile pace now in the 11s as I tried to keep running, but slowly.
So I shifted my focus.
As people had helped me, I was going to help anyone that needed it.
Guy with cramp. Salt tab and water for him.
Guy from the UK struggling to keep going. Dropped down to his pace and just kept him moving.
Legs were sore, but I could run in the shade. In the sun though it all got a little dizzy.
There were bodies everywhere. People in the mobile medical tents. People sitting down in the shade.
One guy was sitting on some steps.
Not sure he knew where he was, but someone was looking after him.
4 laps and 5 hours later, I turned onto the red carpet and just took it all in. As I got to the announcers, they went in traditional fashion āMark, you are an Ironmanā.
āNah. Iām Spidermanā
Got to the line and dropped into a Spidey pose just for bants.
This time I truly think Iām done with the Iron distance. Months of training. Thousands of pounds. All to end up having a shitty day (relatively speaking)
Might still do halves and olympics, but after 8 M-Dot races, as well as a couple of non-branded one, I donāt think Iām motivated anymore.
Think it really is time for a change.
Thank you to everyone who wished me luck or followed me today. Means a lot.
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Well done; great report and good for you for āhonouringā those who helped you on the bike
Got a lot of time for that Funkster! So easy to retreat into your own egotistical bubble, moping about how crap your day has gone (1st world troubles).
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Chapeau Funkster that is as good a race report as I have read. Unfortunately Ironman does mean lots of eggs in the basket.
Selfless actions when it would have been easy to bin it off, you paid it back.
When does entry open for next year?
Yes, great report Funkster and sorry to hear you had a bad day, but credit for keeping going and then helping other people.
I think Iād be tempted to give them a miss or a year or 2, it is bad and expensive when they go pants and itās been your main focus.
Jeff
Thanks guys. .
Being further down the field than you would be normally gives you a different perspective on things, as well as not chasing a goal anymore, makes you grateful to be even be able to do these crazy things in the first place.
Having not had an Ironman race go what I would call āwellā, there is that nagging feeling in the back of my mind about wanting that one day that goes to plan
@Duckhen This Sunday
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Fcuk dat 
Yes. I know that feeling.
You have had some rotten luck, but that just takes the biscuit.
The deca at Allerthorpe has a full iron going on on Sunday 28th Julyā¦Ā£170 and multiple laps - easy to change to a spare bike 
Thanks for the report funkster and well done for being a class act while having a crap day.
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Some time between now and Christmas is when that want reaches a crescendo Iāll bet.
It didnāt go according to plan, but it was cool
following you on the tracker - you came out of T1 flying! - and sounds like and epic race to me now. Iām pencilling this one in for next yearā¦
Race coverage on Facebook watch was among the best I have ever seen, loved the way they got right into the heart of the action. Frodoās cyclo-cross, Langeās flat, keinleās operation, Sarah trues lights out, Joe skipper sensibly calling it a day at T2. Got to love their professionalism.
Thanks for the report funkster, you are good to read, shame about the mechanical but respect for turning in around and completing
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Having generally been a Lanza and Wales man I quite fancy a championship race ā¦I donāt mind paying the fee but my financial position has eased now that kids are older. I would really like at crack at Roth but havenāt been able to get in so maybe Frankfurt would be the one.
Hmmmm Klagenfurt is good too
Having done all three of those, Frankfurt would definitely be the last choice. As you say, Roth is very hard to enter nowadays, but Iāve done Austria twice and itās a great event.
After watching Frankfurt at the weekend I am thinking about Copenhagen for 2020 as it will have been 5 years since going long, easy to get there and a fairly central eventā¦
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Not interested in Barca?
Longer to train for it?
Summer of TTingā¦